Thursday, June 24, 2010
We're on the last leg of our four-month long journey, parked at a truckstop somewhere between Montreal and Quebec City. In Ontario we visited many people: family, friends, inlaws and outlaws. We spent time in the church that Tricia bought, and that her boyfriend Steven is converting to a recording studio, playing around on the organ and listening to some fabulous drumming. Tricia told us that there are many spirits in the church but that "they are good ones." We danced to Steven's band at the Blues festival in Orillia and I went for a motorbike ride with an old friend. Near Ottawa, we spent four nights at a lovely RV park on a river and both entertained and visited family and friends in the area. On our last day there, our motorhome did a little shimmy and we thought that our automatic levellers had sunk in the ground. It was only later that we learned about the earthquake.
As our journey comes to an end, I've been thinking about the meaning of "home." Before, I looked towards Halifax as my home. For the past four months, our motorhome was home, wherever we were parked, even between two 18-wheelers at a truckstop. If we were away from the coach, visiting or shopping, and ready to go back, we would refer to the coach as "home." While I'm looking forward to seeing my friends in Nova Scotia, I have no desire to go home as I feel I'm already here.
It's been a good journey.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
We set out from Winnipeg on the Trans Canada Highway on Sunday and are now parked at one of the trusted Canadian Husky truckstops in Hearst, Ontario along the northern route that runs from Nipigon to North Bay. This is the route that most truckers use because it is a relatively straight road that passes through very few towns. The grades are also far less steep than on the southern route which passes through Sault Ste Marie, and there are far more truckstops. The highway is primarily two lanes but the driving has been relaxing because up until now we've seen very little traffic; there were long periods of time when we felt that we were the only vehicle for miles around. The road in some places was quite rough and sometimes felt as though we were driving over a washboard. At these times, over the sound of dishes rattling in the cupboards, Penny would urge me to slow down. We did however encounter quite a number of road crews doing resurfacing work and because of that there were delays.
Along the northern route, the road winds through impressive rockcliffs and numerous lakes, all surrounded by spring green. We were greeted by a deer who ran across our path, causing us to slow down, and we saw a moose who gave the truck in front of us a hard time, causing him to swerve and brake sharply to avoid hitting her, and causing us to brake sharply to avoid hitting him.
We expect to be arriving in the Toronto area late Thursday.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
We spent over a week in Winnipeg and enjoyed many meetings with family, friends and former and current students. We made every effort to meet with everyone who contacted us. While I saw many people at the book launch last June, the contact I had with each person was very brief. During this visit, there was time to share experiences and hear everyone's story. If I didn't get to see you, please stay in touch and I'll see you next year. I would like to come for a longer visit and possibly hold a weekend retreat, perhaps in Gimli. Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Driving from Fargo to Grand Forks yesterday afternoon, we encountered a fascinating weather system. While the clouds above looked normal, beneath them was what looked like a black curtain many miles long. We were in daylight but alongside us to the left was night. We drove alongside the system for a long while, watching as it moved forward. Then the road turned and we were driving straight for it, and it was coming straight for us. And then, in an instant, the sun was blotted out and we entered night. The winds were intense and I had to work hard to keep the motorhome within the lines. Fortunately, there wasn't much traffic and the vehicles that were on the road were driving slowly. After a while, we could see a narrow band of light on the horizon, and soon the sky lightened. It was then that the rain began to fall, heavily. With nowhere to hide, we had to keep on going and managed to reach the truckstop in Grand Forks. This morning we learned that there had been a tornado watch and that four inches of rain had fallen in some areas.
Today we are driving to Winkler to have the motorhome serviced before settling into our RV resort southeast of Winnipeg at the Perimeter highway. If you would like to meet with us, please get in touch through email or the contact page on the website.
Thursday, May 20th, 2010
Today's drive from Spokane, Washington, passing through the narrow part of Idaho, to Butte, Montana was exciting. Along with captivating landscapes and interesting settlements, we were met with heavy winds, sunshine, rain, sleet and even snow at higher elevations. In the mountains we were actually enveloped by clouds. We are now parked at a Flying J truckstop at 5400 feet and the temperature is just 6 degrees Celsius. After resetting my watch to Mountain time, I began feeling hungry an hour earlier than usual.
Wednesday, May 19th, 2010
We are parked between two 18-wheelers at a Petro truck stop in Spokane, Washington on Interstate 90. The rain is coming down in buckets and the motorhome is rocking. Earlier today we drove through some of the most beautiful country - mountains, deep valleys, gentle hills, prairies and flowing plains.
Last week we spent a few days in Victoria visiting some very dear friends whom we hadn't seen in a number of years. Friendship is very special. When we're with friends we get a feeling of well-being and, as a result, we are able to relax and share our feelings. Friendship is nurturing, and through friendship we know who we are.
Columbia River, Washington State
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Where did the time go? We are now in Vancouver, parked in a large driveway at Penny's sister and brother-in-law's home in Anmore near Port Moody. We had planned to stay at a local RV campground but were persuaded to bring the motorhome up the family's very steep and winding asphalt driveway. As a precaution, we'd removed the Jeep and the hitch extension. In spite of our efforts, however, we got stuck with the hitch adaptor digging into the asphalt. That was when we removed the heavy motorcycle from the hydralift (designed to operate on level ground not on a sharp grade) which gave us some extra clearance and allowed us to manoeuver the motorhome to its extraordinarily level parking space where we are now comfortably situated. When we have to answer nature's call in the middle of the night, we put on our robes and shoes and walk to the house to use the facilities. Fortunately, the weather has been cooperative.
We plan to take the Jeep to Victoria on Wednesday to visit several friends and one of my students, and return to Vancouver on Friday. We'll stay in Vancouver until at least Monday.
The days have been filled with family and food, and with Diesel, the family's beautiful, loveable, spoiled 12-year old German shepherd who because of his age is ailing. It has been very nice to connect with the family and spend time with Penny's nephew and nieces and their partners, and learn about their lives. I enjoy being called "uncle Ben." It gives me a good feeling.
And while we're on the subject of 'titles,' I received a wonderful email from one of my granddaughters which reminded me of how nice it is to be called "Opa" as well.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
We spent the last two days driving through Oregon and Washington. The lovely rain made a very pleasant change from all the so-called "good" weather we've been having.
Last night we stayed at a very large truckstop and arrived just in time to find one of the last pull-throughs. The lots usually start to fill up by late afternoon and we were running late. For dinner, I had a nice thick prime rib and in the morning a real truckers' breakfast while Penny ate health food in the coach.
This evening we met with my very dear friend, Farrell Fleming and his wife, Delaine. It was wonderful to reunite with them after four years. As some of you may remember, Farrell was a very important figure at Creative Retirement Manitoba, an organization that was used as a model for similar organizations in the US and even in Japan. Here in Everett, Washington, Farrell is still involved with empowering seniors. I look forward to spending more time with Farrell tomorrow before Penny and I set out on Thursday for Vancouver.
View from our motorhome at the truckstop
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The last two days were very exciting. We drove along route 299 from Redding to Arcata through the Klamath mountains along the Trinity River, through countless hairpin turns and steep grades, reaching as high as 3200 feet, an ideal situation for any mountain goat or motorcyclist. A trip that takes about three hours by car took us over four and a half hours. In Arcata we met with JJ Semple and his wife, Veronique, and had a wonderful visit over dinner. We decided to continue our visit this morning over brunch at their home. Their beautiful house is surrounded by trees, mostly redwoods. We continued our journey from Arcata on highway 101 along the Pacific coast with its wide sandy beaches and magnificent surfs. We saw what looked like a family of elks lounging along the roadside. The road then entered the Redwood National Park where it curved around the massive trunks of the Redwoods and later emerged back along the beach before returning to another section of the forest. At Crescent City, we turned onto route 199 which took us northeast to Grants Pass, Oregon and back to Interstate 5, via a very windy two-lane highway through the mountains, accompanied by a tourquois-coloured raging river.
As usual, this blog is being written while we are parked between two 18-wheelers at a Truck Stop.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Since leaving Tucson, time has been moving by so quickly that I didn't realize how much time had past since my last blog until someone wrote to ask where we were. The days have been filled with driving and spending time with family and friends, some of whom we hadn't seen in years and several of whom we had never before met. There were some wonderful reunions. We drove through deserts and mountains, hills and valleys. One of the highlights was our walk through Joshua Tree National Park in the Mojave Desert near Desert Hot Springs in California. Apparently, the Joshua tree grows only in this particular small region of the world. Why only here? As many of you know, I'm not an evolutionist.
Tomorrow we'll be leaving the San Francisco area and driving north. I'm looking forward to my visit with JJ Semple whom I wrote about on my links page and who lives in northern California.
I'm going to begin posting regular blogs to let you know where we are so that if we come near your area, you can let us know and perhaps we can meet for tea.
Joshua Tree National Park, California
Hidden Valley, Joshua Tree National Park
Wildflowers in bloom on mountains and on roadside
Tuesday, April 14, 2010
We're still in Tucson, partially because the Jeep transmission needed some additional tweaking and also because we really enjoy being here. We've spent our time visiting museums and taking in the sights. We attended an excellent concert by the Tucson Symphony Orchestra that included Copland's Suite from Appalachian Spring and Gershwin's Concerto in F for piano and orchestra. It was a real American concert. The guest pianist was Michael Sheppard who was wearing what looked like dusty hiking shoes. Otherwise, apart from his wrinkled collar, it looked like he had made an attempt to dress appropriately. However, his overall appearance drew attention to himself and away from the music that was being performed.
We visited the world-renowned Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, a zoo, natural history museum and botanical gardens all in one. It is a beautifully designed park with large spaces for wild animals and beautiful viewing areas and trails. Walking through the park, I began to think that the stuffed animals we had observed last week at the International Wildlife Museum looked far happier and healthier than the live animals in their compounds at the Desert Museum. The saying, "It's good to be alive" may be debatable in this context. Whereas in the Wildlife Museum I'd felt privileged, here I felt sad.
Ben having the last word
Penny and Agave sweetener before processing and bottling
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Several days ago, we walked through an historic part of Tucson and enjoyed the brightly-painted adobe houses and buildings dating to the mid 1880s. There was also St. Augustine Cathedral, dating from the late 1890s. I had a snooze while Penny walked around and took photos. We later attended Gutenberg: The Musical, a play performed by two actors who continually changed caps with the names of the different characters, at least twenty of them. At times they were wearing three or more caps on top of each other. It was ingenious and entertaining.
Yesterday, we drove to Scottsdale and distributed several sets of our books to bookstores. We had lunch at a Greek/Israel cafe. I think it was a mixed marriage with the couple wanting to maintain not just their names but their cooking traditions as well. Today we visited Tucson Mountain Park west of the city and took a little walk in the mountains among the saguara cactus. We then toured the Old Tucson Studios where many of John Wayne's movies were made. The town was built in 1939, a replica of 1860s Tucson, for the movie 'Arizona.' When I was young, in Holland, I saw many of the movies that were filmed there, and walking through the streets on the old boardwalks, and in the museums, I had a sense of familiarity and nostalgia. I kept thinking, I remember that!
Afterwards, we spent some time at the International Wildlife Museum. I've never seen such a variety of animals at one time. There seemed to be an example of every variety of antelope on the planet and their predators. Standing among all those stuffed animals, I felt privileged to be able to view them up close, which otherwise would have been impossible. Besides, it would take a lifetime of travelling all over the world to see them. There was also an enormous collection of butterflies and beetles. I couldn't help thinking about the creativity and artistry of those who designed them.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Tucson, Arizona
Good morning! My day began by stepping outside the motor home, taking twelve steps and plucking two large grapefruits from the tree and bringing them inside. There are grapefruit and lemon trees strategically placed throughout the park so that no one has to walk too far.
I’ve been thinking about time. Thoughts of order, control, even validation come to mind. Now that I have lived in the motor home for a while, I have the awareness of space without borders. Before, there was a certain rhythm in my daily life that told me what time of day or week I was in. Being in the moment meant being totally present with what I was doing. However, I was in the rhythm of life that had order, or that controlled me in what I was doing or would be doing sometime later. The moments were laid out in days that had different names and each day was divided into 1440 parts called minutes. If you had a second sweep on your clock, the day would be divided into 86400 parts or seconds. The tick tock of the clock became an integral part of my psyche. There was rhythm and order within which I lived and moved. There was that pulse in my environment that controlled movement, growth and decline, all of which validated my physical existence. Now, being away from my daily discipline, there is a void within which I move. The days have no names and there is no need for minutes or hours. It is important to have reason and purpose. However, how does one find that outside of the rhythm that time brings?
Being in the moment may not be what many people think it is. The moment is an ever-changing place that is a part of the whole of a singular pulse. If one moment were the same as another, there would be no movement or growth. Being in the moment is to be in the movement, ever new. It is being secure without having to know. It is being open and welcoming to the new.
Thursday, March 25
Hello there! It's been a while. We're in the process of getting settled in the first RV resort of our trip and have had to deal with some motorhome repairs including the hydraulic system for the main pull-out and the stabilizers, the sticking door that expanded in the heat and couldn't be closed, some electrical switches that weren't working properly, and a few upgrades. We lost the motorhome for two days and used the time to drive from Tucson to Apache Junction to visit some old sailing friends who spend the winters in Arizona in a house trailer. We last saw them in Winnipeg a year ago at the book launch but didn't have time for a proper visit. We used to berth our sailboats end to end in Gimli, Manitoba. Like any relationship with true friends whom you love, you pick up where you left off, and time doesn't seem to matter. You meet and you share life .
Today the Jeep went into service for transmission repair (warranty) and unless I can convince Penny to become a biker babe, we'll have to rent a car for four or five days.
Driving through Arizona has been very enjoyable. Because of a record amount of rainfall this year, plant life is abundant. The desert is truly in bloom and green. The most impressive cactus is the familiar Saguara that can live up to 200 years and can weigh as much as six tons. Because the only place in the world it grows is in the Sonoran desert, it's a protected species.
With our friends from Apache Junction, we visited a goldmining ghost town that turned out to be one giant souvenir shop. It was interesting however to see the old implements, steam engines and towers, now corroded and disintegrating. A desert ghost town filled with skeletons. The old bordello was the most impressive building on the site and of course there were ladies strolling the balconies but all they were selling were souvenirs. We had lunch with our friends on the large outside deck, entertained by a singing cowboy and watching as men and women rode in for lunch on horseback, tying their horses to hitching rails below our table. I'm not used to seeing animals being parked like cars. We had a truly Western experience. As everyone who knows me knows, there's a little bit of cowboy in me, even though while I enjoy watching horses, I feel uncomfortable being too close to them. They are so big.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
There was a familiarity the last few days about the terrain and the driving on the long straight roads in southwestern Texas. There was a lot of Manitoba here. Big skies and flatter than flat, as my sister Lil would say. What draws attention is the amount of low-growing vegetation in a desert where seemingly there is no water. And then you see shallow wide ditches with culvert-style bridges running across them to manage water during seasonal downpours to prevent flooding. You expect to see animal life, however we didn't see any. At the truckstops they sell all kinds of rattlesnake souvenirs, and that by itself makes the land uninviting. I don't think I'd want to wander too far from the road into the desert. If I did, I would wear my cowboy boots. Penny reminded me when we saw the low mountains in the distance that we are south of Alberta. Coming from the Canadian prairies, you meet up with mountainous terrain that runs all the way south towards Mexico. Unlike the welcoming feeling I get when travelling in the hills, I experience a feeling of awe in this desert terrain. As I wrote in a previous blog, you can touch or embrace the hills. They are soft and inviting. In contrast, the desert, with its skeletons, feels like it could grab you and might not let you go. It's very big here in Texas, the lone star state.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
When we set out from Halifax, our goal was to end up in Arizona, via Florida, and take the most southern route across the States which is Interstate 10. However, a few days into the trip we spontaneously decided to change direction and turn west a bit earlier, linking up with Interstate 20, a different route than we had taken six years ago.
Over the last few days it has become more and more apparent to me that going to Arizona was merely a direction, not a destination. The idea of a destination lost its importance. It's become all about the journey, a lifestyle, and each and every moment is special - breakfast in the morning with the truck drivers, the business of our daily chores while parked at the truckstop, a few hours of driving before stopping for lunch, finding a plaza off the highway to purchase supplies, driving another few hours, deciding where we will spend the night, and arriving between 4 and 5 o'clock at our next parking spot.
After the intial learning period during which there were many challenges to overcome, the journey has become a spiritual one. There are no wants. I'm happy to be where I am at any given moment. I'm happy to be doing whatever needs to be done, whether it's cleaning the windshields, emptying the waste tanks, searching for supplies that I had stored away and forgot where, or making small alterations so that things wouldn't fall on our heads when driving over rough roads.
There's a simplicity to this life, like being a child without worries. Moving from one moment to the next, noticing and enjoying things normally taken for granted, like the hum of the engine when the motorhome climbs a hill, feeling as though I'm helping to push it along as I once did with my toy truck. It's good to be here.
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Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Today was an exceptional day. It started out with thundershowers and lightening and gradually changed into excellent driving weather with very little wind, and with the sun now and then showing its face through the clouds. It was a wonderful feeling driving our solidly built coach, with its new windshield wipers, along the interstate highway. I felt secure, and I enjoyed every moment of moving forward among the trees that lined the highway and separated the east and westbound lanes. There was little traffic and it was as though we were on our own private one-way road. It was good seeing Penny sitting comfortably in her leather chair, feet up on the dashboard, enjoying the scenery and shooting the occasional picture.
We saw a crew of men, all wearing the same striped uniforms, picking up rubbish beside the roadway.
The day ended with a good, not necessarily healthy meal at the Iron Skillet, a restaurant at the truck stop in Jackson, Mississippi, where we were staying and where I wrote this installment for my blog because wi-fi wasn't available in the parking area.
Being able to share my thoughts in a blog has given me a great deal of satisfaction, as have all the wonderful responses that I've received. However, without the energy and dedication of my scribe, editor, manager, promoter, navigator, organizer, cook, devil's advocate, and foot rubber, my wife Penny, my experiences and thoughts may never have materialized into the written word.
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Monday, March 8, 2010 Over the last two days we've been driving through Tennessee, a wonderfully hilly state. I've always been a hill person as opposed to a prairie or mountain person. Both the prairie and the mountains, while picturesque in their own ways, seem hard to touch. If you take a photo of the prairies, looking to the horizon, what you see is a narrow landscape relative to a very large sky. There's a lot of empty space, and the landscape is difficult to embrace. The mountains, made of harsh stone or granite, are in your face, and there's no horizon or much sky, and barely a twilight. When you're in the hills, on the other hand, whether on top or in a valley, there's a balance between earth and sky that is constantly changing, like a melody. You can reach out and embrace the hills, they are soft. The hills have no inhospitable places, they are always welcoming. Like mother earth, they provide us with everything we need, from trees for shelter, valleys for cultivating food, land for grazing animals.
Tonight we are staying at a truckstop without a normal restaurant, just a McDonalds and a Subway. Before I went out by myself for a chicken burger, Penny and I juiced one bag of carrots, twelve leaves of kale, eight sticks of celery, a handful of parsley and one large red apple.
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Saturday, March 6, 2010
It is now eight o'clock in the evening and we are still in Virginia, at a truckstop, settling in for the night. Our journey seems to be proceeding in dribs and drabs. We start out late in the morning and finish rather early so we can secure a good overnight spot for our rig. The Flying J, where we are staying tonight, is a trucker's haven. The food is good, the facilities are clean. The mornings for me are special. While Penny is trying to wake up, I'm having breakfast at the breakfast counter with other truckers. I listen with great interest to their stories and sometimes one of them will share something personal about his family life. I think that many people don't give the trucker enough credit nor appreciate the challenges he has to face. Life for the trucker isn't as simple as it appears to be, especially in the case of long-haulers who are often away from their families for long periods of time. The trucker has to travel in all kinds of weather, meet schedules regardless of traffic and road conditions, and deal with drivers who are less than considerate. Many of them have huge investments in their vehicles and work hard to pay their bills. We don't often think about it, but without them, our economy and our lives would come to a grinding halt. When I first came to Canada, I had the romantic idea of becoming a truck driver and enjoying the freedom of travelling around the country.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Hello from Houlton, Maine, just across the US border. We started out in the rain in Nova Scotia, got through the snow and wind in New Brunswick, and were greeted with blue skies and sunshine as we approached the US border. Chassis battery went to another world and had to be replaced as did our wiper blades. Last night we slept at a Truck Stop with the sound of deisel engines providing white noise that lulled us to sleep. In the morning I stepped out onto steps that were coated in ice, just like the rest of the motorhome, and realized that we had slept through an ice storm. At the border, the Customs officer came in and took our organic oranges and lemons from the fridge, which Penny forgot weren't allowed, and bid us a safe journey.
I'm enjoying the driving and the courtesy shown by truckers on the road. Perhaps because it's off season, people everywhere seem to be relaxed and friendly. It's a real joy to be able to have this moment.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
We just viewed the video that David Riklan of Selfgrowth.com made about my work, in particular about what it means to walk a spiritual path. At the very end I invite you to answer a question about spirituality and the spirit. I look forward to hearing what you think. Please use the Contact link on the menu to email me.
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Saturday, February 6, 2010
Everything is moving right along. Body is healing wonderfully and we're planning to leave on our motorhome trip in a few weeks.
Earlier today, driving to my morning coffee and paper, I started to feel so hot that I turned down the heat and opened the car windows even though the outdoor temperature was 10 degrees below zero centigrade. The 200 mg of niacin that I took before leaving the house was supposed to give me a hot flush so I wasn't too concerned. However, sitting in the cafe, the heat intensified to such a degree that I left my coffee and hightailed it back home. When I peeled off my clothes, Penny and I gaped at my tomato-red body. And then the itch set in (the histamine response). This wasn't menopause but I now have some understanding of what many women have to endure.
A week ago, I got a call from a dear friend whose daughter's husband had inherited a house. The couple were cleaning up and preparing to move in when they experienced some very peculiar happenings. First, they had the feeling that they were not alone. Then, when they were sleeping over, the television kept turning on and the doors would open and close on their own. Even though I have had many encounters with spirit, I myself had never witnessed physical manifestations of spirit presence.
The couple wondered whether I might be able to help. A few evenings later, I went with one of my students to the house where I was received by the daughter and her husband. After a short while I became aware of intense buzzing in my ears, a sure sign for me that a spirit was present or had been recently. I walked through the house with the others trailing behind me. In the master bedroom, there was a clothes closet with wooden sliding doors. I opened them to see if the spirit was inside but saw nothing and closed the doors before continuing through the house. I looked into every room, nook and cranny but couldn't find anything. Either the spirit had left the house or was hiding somewhere. I walked through the house once again and ended up back in the master bedroom. There I had a strong sense of the spirit's presence. Psychically reaching out with my hand, I scanned the room and felt a strong almost jabbing sensation in my hand, something I hadn't experienced before. It was then that I saw the spirit who seemed taller than me. The closet door, which I had previously closed, was now open. I asked for a chair, sat down near the doorway to discourage him from leaving and began to communicate with him.
A spirit that is creating havoc in a house could be doing it to draw attention in order to get help or simply to be a nuisance for whatever reason. Because this spirit came out of hiding, I knew that he wanted to communicate. And because I sensed his strength, I had to be extra careful not to challenge him. A strong spirit could hurt someone. Actually, it is wrong to challenge a spirit at any time, even the less powerful ones because often they are already fearful and might go back into hiding and thus be unable to accept the help offered. It's important to remember that, without a brain, a mindset spirit has virtually no reasoning capacity. It is therefore important to communicate in a simple and gentle way.
My questions to him were very simple, such as Why are you here? Would you like to move on? As often happens, the spirit doesn't have answers and needs to be guided. I explained that the house is for people with bodies who cannot move on, and that his presence was disturbing them. I asked again, wouldn't he like to move on to be with family and loved ones? I told him about the tunnel leading to the spirit world and that I could show it to him after which he could decide. After a period of time, he entered the tunnel and left.
When a spirit refuses to move on, I give him or her a choice, to leave the house or be expelled. That's a whole other story.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The surgeon told me I am now free to do whatever I want to do. He explained that the discomfort I still have from time to time is nerve related and will disappear in time and that my energy would come back within a few weeks. He scheduled a follow up PET/CT for June. So for now, we can close this chapter. Our motorhome trip will commence as soon as I feel stronger and that could be as soon as three weeks from now.
On a slightly spiritual note, my daughter Tricia bought a church! There won't be much praying, but lots of singing. It will be used primarily as a recording studio by her friend Steve who is quite an artist. He plays a multitude of instruments professionally and has a good reputation in the recording industry.
Are we ever too old to be nurtured by compliments? Are you kidding? The wonderful emails that I've received in response to my Blog have made me smile and, I'm sure, helped me to heal. Thank you to everyone who took the time to write.
Friday, January 15, 2010
A month has now passed since the operation and today I was permitted to drive. Penny used the opportunity to send me out for groceries and I rewarded myself by stopping at Leftys for lunch.
Had a wonderful telephone discussion this afternoon with a man from California. He has spent over thirty years working with, learning about and teaching Kundalini as a method of self-healing. Our views differ in some ways but there was a strong sense of mutual respect. I've decided to exchange website links with this person sometime soon, even though I do not necessarily understand everything he teaches. I've always hesitated to exchange links with other practitioners, not wanting to make recommendations or show preferences for one approach to personal and spiritual growth over another. In my recent book, Water Your Roots, I use the path that I walk as an example of what spiritual development might entail, my intention being to provide food for thought that will help people choose a path that's best for them.
If I go back to my engineering days, when I was involved with manufacturing, one of the most valuable people in the office was the purchasing agent because he had the knowledge of where to obtain all the products and materials required for the manufacturing process. His knowledge was worth its weight in gold. Over the last thirty years, I have learned that it is very difficult and time-consuming to find good information about the psyche and spirituality. Without it, it is very difficult to evaluate and choose a path or direction. Therefore, I've decided to exchange links with practitioners and teachers who I feel have something of value to offer that can help someone in their decision-making process.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
A few people have asked me whether my cancer developed in order to teach me something. My response is, things happen to us for a variety of reasons and not necessarily to teach us something. However, we should learn from our experiences. What are we to learn? That is something we have to answer for ourself. However, are we honest enough to recognize what it is?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Got a call from the surgeon today. The tumor that he completely removed was a stage 1 cancer. He also took out two lymph nodes and both were negative for cancer. According to him, I'm clean and no further treatment is required. This is one time where I can honestly say that I am happy to have had a kidney stone attack because it was then that the tumor was discovered. Otherwise, it would have grown out of control.
As my body heals, I'm again becoming aware of the difference between allowing time for the body to heal rather than waiting for the healing to be over with; in other words, the difference between being present on the journey rather than anticipating the journey's end. Energy that should be used for healing would otherwise be wasted on stress.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I'm recuperating well. My meds are down to a third of what they were when I first returned home a week and a half ago. Where there was pain is now mostly discomfort, except when I do something without thinking like quickly bending down to pick something up, or turning quickly to reach for something. That's when I get bitten.
However, it is New Year's Eve and I thought I would share something with you. It is a popular notion that it is spiritual to be "in the present." Being in the present has nothing to do with spirit but with being in control of one's thinking rather than being in a wishing and wanting or in an "if only I had done that" state of mind. However, being at the end of the year and the beginning of another, it would be appropriate to realize that what we are presently is the sum total of our past. It wouldn't hurt at all to take a good look at the year past and think about what we have learned, and then take that and bring it with us into the New Year. Remember that each time we've made a mistake, there was a learning. Wisdom doesn't come from doing everything right the first time, but from having learned how not to do it. So let's be in the present while remembering where we came from and the direction in which we are going. Wishing you a prosperous 2010.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas day passed with a lovely dinner at friends in Halifax. The pain pills kept me upright for the duration.
Once I accepted the fact that I was not supposed to do any physical task or overextend myself, I could relax. I didn't have to think about or plan to do anything. I could simply be and allow myself to be cared for by my wife, Penny, whose total concern is my comfort and well being. I am without stress and without any responsibilities because everything is being done for me. I am truly being kept in a space of healing, both by Penny and by my own mind. I am doing what I have been teaching for a long time: allowing time for the experience rather than waiting until it is over.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The whole experience is a bit like taking a trip to the moon. There's the countdown, the blast off with a tremendous amount of acceleration and action after which the momentum will carry you on your journey until you arrive at your destination. Here we had the preparation and the operation that set the momentum for the healing journey towards full recovery and the resumption of my normal activities.
I looked forward to the experience and my stay in hospital. For the first few days everyone around me seemed to be smiling, happy with what they were doing. Then, I encountered a few who obviously wished they were somewhere else. At those times, I felt a bit like a cow rather than a person, diminished in importance, without any control over my experience and unable to participate in the decisions being made about my body. There was one instance that stands out. One morning a nurse walked into my room, didn't bother to smile, and took over, rearranging things, making changes that were not ordered by the doctor nor, as it turned out, necessary. She expected me to submit to her care while her attitude was uncaring and controlling. The energy she projected created a stressful rather than a healing atmosphere and made me think about other patients who were having to endure this kind of treatment without understanding how they were being affected.
There are some people who enter the nursing profession because they sincerely want to help people - for which they get paid. Others are there for an income - for which they have to work. The helpful ones make you want to listen and follow their advice because you know they are doing their best; you trust them because you can feel that they genuinely want to serve. Those who speak only because they have to, leave you feeling cold.
I'm officially discharged tonight but the snow storm in Halifax will keep me in hospital until tomorrow morning.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Update by Penny
Ben emerged from the surgery with his body! The surgery by all accounts went very well. It was straightforward, without complications. His ribs weren't cut and so healing will be much quicker. The lower right lobe of his lung was removed and with it the entire tumor. He was able to leave the intermediate care unit this afternoon and is now in his own room. Pain management is excellent so he's able to walk down the corridors unaided and without discomfort and do his breathing and coughing exercises. To supplement the usual hospital offerings, he's enjoying the fresh vegetable juices and protein smoothies I've been preparing for him as well as the wonderful home-made healthful soups his friends have been bringing. It's expected that he'll be coming home on Monday.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Morning of the operation, driving into Halifax from St. Margarets Bay. There's an awareness that I may end up without my body. I have no fear of death. Simply an awareness that errors are made, we have to allow for that. I'm not planning for the future because I'm not in control of my present. I have a sense of living this experience consciously, rather than being in a reactive state. The only fear I have is of the needle!
Friday, December 10, 2009
I had my pre-op on Wednesday. What an experience! I'm told that the surgery itself is straightforward. I was assured by the surgeon, the anesthetist, the physiotherapist and the nurse that I'm going to be fine. However, when I come out of surgery I will be placed in mini intensive care unit with three others, with two nurses on duty 24/7 to monitor my vital signs for a day and a half. Oh, and there will be a draining tube hanging out of the side of my body and, besides my intravenous, there will be a probe in my artery to measure blood pressure and a tube coming out of my penis to transfer the urine to a container for whatever reason. I will be totally doped up. However, I will have to do breathing and coughing exercises to prevent pneumonia setting in and I will be made to walk almost immediately by the physiotherapist who will make sure I don't slack off. Check back for photos.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
This was supposed to be our departure date for our US book tour in the motorhome. Last week, however, for reasons explained below, we decided to postpone the trip until February at the earliest.
A while ago, it was my good fortune that a CT scan taken of a kidney stone revealed a growth on my lung. It was discovered a short time before the launch of Water Your Roots in Winnipeg and Halifax and so I decided to take the wait and watch approach since there was no way of knowing whether or not it was malignant other than by removing it. After the second of two more CT scans, the growth was found to be slightly larger.
My first reaction to hearing that the mass had grown over the previous five months was disappointment, not only because our travel plans would have to be put on hold, but also because the alternative treatments I'd been using hadn't resulted in the expected improvement.
My surgeon advised that it be taken out, the sooner the better. I said that I would think about it before making a decision. It was then that fear hit - I felt out of control, not knowing what was going to happen. I was still drawn to alternative therapies but I didn't have enough information to make an informed decision. Nor did I know whom to trust.
A chance meeting with another experienced surgeon whom I liked and trusted helped me to know what I had to do. If he were in my position, he said, he would have it taken out the next day if not sooner. He didn't think that alternative therapies alone could eliminate a lung tumor. What he said was in line with the advice given to us by an alternative cancer clinic in Arizona. They recommended first removing the growth and then, if it is found to be malignant, following with intravenous high-dose vitamin C and other treatments.
Once I made up my mind to have the surgery, which will take place on December 16th, the uncertainty and therefore the fear fell away. I now had to prepare myself for the operation by bringing my body into the optimum state for healing.
First step: not waiting for the operation, but looking forward to the experience.
Second step: breathing exercises to take stress away from the upper part of the torso.
Third step: increasing the energy flow through the body through meditative exercises in order to build up the energy reserve.
One question being asked of me is, Why aren't you worried? My answer is, Everyone around me is worried, so that part is looked after. Now I can look forward to the experience.
I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
