Saturday, November 5, 2011
Although I always viewed myself as Ben's worst student, he was my guiding light. He was true to his teachings and to his path, practising "acceptance of what is" and "not being unhappy," and eschewing "wishing and wanting." Never was that more evident than in the months leading up to his death. Ben still had dreams, dreams of working in the clinic in Tijuana, dreams of visiting Alaska and Newfoundland, and even the dream of riding across Canada on his motorbike. When it became clear to him that he might not realize those dreams, though saddened that he would be disappointing the doctors at the clinic who had looked forward to his participation, he was neither disappointed nor depressed. As he lay on his bed enjoying the constantly changing views of St. Margarets Bay, nurtured by the love of family members, friends and students who came to sit with him, he reached a place of equanimity that left many visitors in awe. His spirit and presence remained so strong throughout his physical decline that it was sometimes hard to believe that he was dying.
"Spirituality is not about believing, but about becoming," Ben would often tell his students. While deeply grieving the loss of my beloved husband and best friend, my hope is that I will be able to honour his memory by practising what he himself practised and continuing to be guided and inspired by what he finally became.